MGS2: SOL TWISTED
by RyuAshi
Summary: It's a MGS2 parody, and I'm actually UPDATING NOW! WOO! Anyway, read and review! Don't judge it on the first chapter though... It not the best oO
1. Mullet boy and Wig boy Meet!

I DON'T OWN JACK SITH! (yes I mean sith because I don't cuss on fics… not really anyway)

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Censor Moogle: I can't believe you are posting this piece of garbage…

Me: Hey now! I don't care what you think, after all, you aren't even real! 

C. Moogle: HOW MEAN!!! ;_;

Me: MUAHHAHAHAH! Sorry Mr. Not- real Thing, I can't help it if the story sucks. I was bored so I just started writing.

C. Moogle: *** wipe.

Me: LANGUAGE MISTER! –washes C.'s mouth out with soap- There ^_^

C. Moogle: -bubble-

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Random-ness Vol. 1

By: Cassi 

-

Games: MGS2: SOL (WAII! I NEED MGS1 SOO BAD! -cries-)

Pairings: None… but I have a feeling Raiden will be bashed… a lot…

Authoress in Story?: Not often… but authoress/me ish named Arashi

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Chapter 1: Is That A Wig?

-

A lone soldier walked around the upper floor of the Strut F warehouse. "Nothing here," he reported into his radio before descending down the stairs ahead of him. He took a few cautious steps around one of the boxes when he heard something fall to the floor… "Oooh, what's this?" Under further investigation he found it to be a book…a very -interesting- book… He stupidly sat down and stared at its pages and ignored everything around him… bad move. He heard a shot fired and before he could turn around, he was asleep. 

-

A man with brown hair and a mullet stepped out to inspect his victim. "Aw man," Snake sighed, "this was my Playboy Special Edition and he drooled ALL OVER IT! Oh well, the frik head." Snake looked around and noticed another -book- exactly like his 'old' one… brand new too… "Wait. This seems like a trap… oh well, who cares! GIMME!" He lunged for the photography gallery only to meet the same fate as the soldier before him. 

-

"I thought the almighty legend was better than that. Hn, like I'd let him take that, it's mine anyway. Must have dropped it…" The voice came from a white haired young man in the upper level. He leaned over the rail, only to stupidly fall over because he tried to catch the moth in front of him. And just because this is the way things happen, he landed on top of Snake in a very *ahem* strange way. This of course, woke the legendary mullet man up.

-

"WOAH NOW! GET OFF YOU FREAK! I AINT LIKE THAT!" Snake screamed at the top of his lungs. The white haired gir- um, boy jumped up and sighed. "Man, the moth got away… oh yeah, sorry man for falling on you. Oh wait, your that legend dude right?" Raiden was obviously on something,… probably leafy and green… Snake just shrugged it off and decided maybe the little frik could help him find whatever he was looking for. 

-

Snake: Wait one second! What do you mean 'whatever he was looking for?'

Arashi: No because Emma keeps dying so I can't figure out what the ending is. 

Raiden: Oh you're pitiful.

Arashi: Shut up Jack Off. You do know I control you. For example… one of you may die from FOXDIE at any second.

Snake: Oh I have an idea! Let's not piss off the authoress!

Radien: Agreed.

Arashi: Okai then, you shall have no reason to feel my wrath. Not yet anyway. 

Raiden: Back to the fic!

-

Snake looked toward Raiden… or what he thought was Raiden. You see, Snake had shot the lights out, so his vision wasn't the best at the time. "So what are you doing here?" he asked. "Umm, Snake? That's a mop genius," Raiden said, snickering. "I knew that you frik head now shut up before I load you with D45 rounds (D45 is made up by me… it fires ex-lax sedaters, lmao)," Snake shot at Raiden. "Let's get outside where we can see better," suggested Raiden. "Oh my God, he has a non idiotic suggestion! I'm sure Arashi will fix that…" Snake said.          Arashi: Yup! He should get SOME credit, he was smart enough to figure out how to use the codec...         "Well yeah," Snake said. "Let's go already!" Raiden said impatiently. "HOLD ON," Snake shouted, "I need to… um… -relieve- myself." Raiden just headed for the door. "Okay… wait a second… OH THAT'S GROSS!"

-

++Strut FA Connecting Bridge++

-

The pair walked out onto the sun soaked bridge. "Finally," Raiden exclaimed, "fresh air." He breathed in deeply, and then coughed really hard. "You idiot, don't you see those smoke stacks?" Snake said you the intelligent being beside him. He looked at Raiden and noticed something weird. "What the hell is with your hair! It looks like a frikkin wig! Oh my God, that's funny! Only the bottom moves! HAHA! WOO!" Raiden looked at Snake suspiciously and felt his pocket. "Oh crap… he's got my weed… oh well. Might as well join him." Raiden lit up a joint and smoked it in a record time of 1.2 nanoseconds. "WOOH! Oh, pretty colors… what pretty blues… meh heh heh hai!" So, for about 3 hours, Raiden and Snake rolled around the bridge, laughing their high asses off. Which led to them being seen by a guard, and being captured and stuck in Shell  1 Core as hostages. 

-

++Shell 1 Core++

-

The marijuana's effect wore off and the guys awoke to see Solidus'- oops, -cough cough cough- THE PRESIDENT'S most trusted agent. "Yay! This saved a lot of time!" exclaimed a happy Raiden. "What are you talking about?" asked Snake, confused. "Oh, I read the strategy guide," Raiden explained.       Arashi: Not all of it you liar, or I would be able to remember what the point of Big Shell is!       "Oh yeah, eh heh heh," Raiden laughed it off. Snake yawned and fell asleep and suddenly the time stopped. Woo scary. Not really. The authoress is too tired to write more so she made the controlling character fall asleep. Haha! 

-

If you people want more, you will have to review! I won't update until I get at least 10 reviews! Muah hah hah! ^_____^

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C. Moogle: That sucked.

Me: Anyone have something to shut my personal critic up? All donations accepted. 

C. Moogle: -sticks out tongue-

Me: R & R people! Now come here you stupid moogle! 

C. Moogle: EEP! 

- door to computer room closes with crashing sounds coming from inside -

                                                                        ----

If anyone knows what format I have to save under to make the 'br' things into spaces, tell me! For now I substituted them with --'s. R&R! -Arashi                                                                         


	2. Pot Cant Save You From The Claymores MUA...

Metal Gear Solid 2: SOL TWISTED

Chapter 2: Pot Can't Save You Now!

By: Arashi (new pen name!)

There won't be any pairings in this story, it's a humor for God- sakes!

Disclaimer: What I own: Nothing. 

~^~

            Z, z, z, z… Little Z's floated above Snake's head, showing that he was in a deep sleep. Suddenly, one popped away… he must be getting awake-er. "Mmmm… oh yeah…," Snake mumbled incomprehensive words in his sleep, oblivious to where he was since when he was taken there he was high. "Ooh, whazzat?" Raiden poked the Z's and they started to fall. Only one was left and Snake started moving around. 

            Snake woke up and looked around. "Oh frik, we've been taken hostage." "Weee this is fun!" Raiden said, not knowing what exactly had happened. Snake hung his head. Why do all the rookies get paired with him? Oh well, better have some fun. "Hey Jack Off, stand up and see what's happening." "Okay!" Raiden stood up and looked around. "No one is in here except for some other worker looking people and us." Snake thought about his briefing with Otacon and recalled the part about the electric floor outside of the door. "Hey, go outside and see if anyone is there. Wear this disguise since I already have one." Snake handed Raiden the B.D.U. and an AK-74u and let him go outside. "3…2…1… now." Immediately, he heard Raiden screaming at the top of his lungs. 

            He stumbled back to the room, slightly charred. "Tttthhee f-f-f-looor wa-a-a-sss elec-electriffied." After saying this he fell to the ground. Snake stifled his laughter at the idiot. He would have a lot of fun on this mission. "Get up stupid. We have to leave and find the bomb dude and kill his lard ass." Raiden looked confused. "Fatman? But we should have done that already. The book sai-" "I DON'T CARE! LETS GET GOING!" Raiden let out a squeak and followed Snake into the hall after he decharged it. 

            "Okay, now let's go to the Strut C pantry and find Stillman," Raiden said. Snake stared at him, surprised at a statement that didn't sound like a 2 year olds. "What," Raiden said, "that's what the thingy said!" (Okay, I don't feel like seeing which strut bridge this is so I will say when you walk out you are on BC connecting bridge and it is the one with claymores) Snake put on his mine detector and it immediately picked up 5 claymores. He smiled deviously and gave Raiden instructions. "Okay, go left…" BOOM! "Owies. My bad. Anyway, take a turn to you right and head that way 3 steps." BOOM! And this continued until Raiden had successfully 'unequipped' all five mines.

            Snake shot out the security camera and they head inside. Raiden did his cartweel thingy into the patrolling guard and they headed into the pantry. When they were in there-

~^~ 

Cliffhanger! I don't feel like typing anymore.

C. Moogle: I want a cupcake ;_;


	3. Snake is one of many names

RyuAshi: New pen name. Again.

Censor Moogle: I don't think anyone reads this thing… 

RyuAshi: Oh well. I can write it for my own amusement.

C. Moogle: I hate you.

RyuAshi: I could easily delete you from this.

C. Moogle: I LOVE YOU RYU!!!!  
RyuAshi: I thought so.

C. Moogle: RyuAshi owns nothing mentioned here except for her weird ex-lax gun. 

-

MGS: SOL TWISTED

Chapter 3: Snake is one of many names

By: RyuAshi

Pairings: Olga and a can of coolant spray

-

Snake led the way, M9 ready to shoot anything suspicious. Raiden walked behind, looking around stupidly. "Can't we just go get dad and get it over with?" Snake stopped and turned around, raising an eyebrow. "Dad?" he questioned. Raiden shrugged. "Well, Solidus did adopt me after all…" Snake hit his forehead. "You idiot, you aren't supposed to know that yet." He blinked. "Oops… well let's go find Stillman." Snake turned back around and led the way into the pantry.

"And we can get married and have a new kid since the rotten patriots have my old one and it'll be great!" Olga sat in the room, hugging one of the cans of coolant. Raiden and Snake walked over to her, confused. "Where's Stillman?" Snake inquired. Olga shrugged. "He ran off screaming something about a ninja…" Raiden blinked, noticing Olga still had most of the ninja outfit on. He fainted.

Snake looked at Raiden and sighed. "Great… just great…" He looked back to Olga. "Go away. And give me the coolant." He held his hand out, but Olga hugged the coolant to herself. "Mine!" she said, growling. Snake frowned and shot her in the neck with his M9. He picked up the coolant from her limp hands. "Mine now, you plot giver-away…-er…" He watched the small yellow dots go away and Raiden sat up. So Snake kicked him in the head again, making him go unconscious. Again.

%%Later…%%

Raiden groaned and sat up. He looked around; he was still in the pantry. He sighed and looked down. "OH MY GOD!" There was a puddle around him, and a wet spot between his legs. "I don't remember this!?!?!" He panicked. Snake appeared around the corner, laughing hysterically. "I love coolant spray!" he said, tossing Raiden the can. Raiden glared at him. "That was mean." "But it was funny. I went and disarmed the bombs." Raiden looked at him funny. "How? I thought we had to make Shell 2 get all messed up and stuff?" Snake scratched the back of his head. "Errr… Shut up!" Once again, Raiden's face met Snake's boot. 

%%Later… again…%%

Raiden groaned- again, and sat up- again. He looked down, and everything was dry. "Thank God…" He stood up and grabbed the extra can of coolant, and headed out the door. He sat on the planter and tossed it up and down, waiting for Snake to return from wherever he was. He pulled out a -book- and flipped through the pages boredly. 

"Having fun?" Raiden looked up to see Snake. A charred, slightly sizzled snake. "Where have you been?" he asked his now black comrade. "I fixed up everything. So now we can go find Emma and stuff the right way!" Raiden stood up and began heading for the door. "Where are you going?" Snake inquired. "To take pictures of the weird monster thing," he replied simply.

Snake followed him out and looked around. "So where is it?" Raiden shrugged. "I guess we could just wait. Oh hold on, I got a codec call." 

-BEEP! Press Select to accept.-

+Codec Mode+

Arashi: Raiden, what are you doing?

Raiden: Looking for the weird monster thing that haunts the Big Shell.

Arashi: *Yelling* YOU IDIOT!

Raiden: *Is scared* What?

Arashi: This is a parody of Sons Of Liberty! Not Substance!

Raiden: … Oops…

Arashi: Now go find Emma! 

Raiden: WAIT! How are you in this? You're the authoress, you can't be in the game!

Arashi: …

+Codec Mode+

-End transmission-

"That was weird…" Raiden said, scratching his wig. "What was weird?" Snake questioned curiously. "That was the authoress… and did you know we are in two different games?" Snake nodded. "Yeah, everyone knows that! I'm in about 6 I think…" Raiden frowned. "How many am I in?" he whined. Snake looked thoughtful for a moment. "Two." Raiden grumbled. "Always putting down the hair growth impared…"

Snake suddenly vanished. Raiden whirled around, and searched the air, water, railing, everywhere. "Where'd he go?" Then he got another codec call. 

-BEEP! Press Select to accept.-

+Codec Mode+

            Snake: Raiden?

            Raiden: Where did you go?!

            Snake: It's time to do this for real.

            Raiden: I don't get it.

            Snake: *growls* Why are you so freaking STUPID?

            Raiden: Uh… wait I know this one…

            Snake: It's time to play out this story like the game. 

            Raiden: But I thought we didn't know how it ended?!

            Arashi: *Appears behind Snake* I beat the game!

            Raiden: Yay! Wait, where are you Snake?

            Snake: … No where.

            Raiden: That's not fair!

            Arashi: …

+Codec Mode+

-End transmission-

            Raiden stood up and began his way to Shell 2. "I hate Snake/ Pliskin/ Dave/ Legend/ Whatever…" 

-

RyuAshi: Please, if you read this, then review it.

C. Moogle: You are pitiful. 

RyuAshi: At least I'm real.

C. Moogle: You always have to bring that up don't you?


	4. Follow The Voice Even if it WILL Probabl...

RyuAshi: Mmm… *Eats ramen*

Censor Moogle: Hey, I want some!

RyuAshi: NO! *Hugs noodle bowl*

C. Moogle: *Growls* Give meh some!

RyuAshi: *Blinks* I didn't know moogles could growl…

C. Moogle: *Jumps at RyuAshi* MINE!!!!

RyuAshi: … *Sidesteps*

C. Moogle: *Slams into wall* Ow…

RyuAshi: *Takes another bite* I dun own any of this, and I don't claim to. So nyah XP

MGS: SOL TWISTED

Chapter 4: Follow The Voice! Even if IS Probably Going to Lead to to Your Demise…

By: RyuAshi

Pairings: Once again, there are none. Unless you count the… wait, no, there STILL aren't any. 

            Raiden wandered along the AF connecting bridge aimlessly. "You're going the wrong way." He stopped and looked around, but couldn't find the source of the voice. "'You're heading to the video camera and engine thingy room." He frowned. "Show yourself." "You really ARE stupid." "I am not stupid!" Raiden whined. "Yes you are! Now hush!" The voice said forcefully. He whimpered and curled into a little ball on the ground. "I'm not going crazy, I'm not going crazy…"

**About an hour later**

"And then, I found Snake and he was supposed to call himself Pliskin but he didn't and-""SHUT UP!" The voice sounded very agitated, and you would too if you had to listen to Raiden's ramblings for about an hour. "I have had enough of this. You're still wearing your BDU, so put on your cap and get out your AK-74u." Raiden blinked. "But, you are a disembodied voice, how do you know where I am and what I" "JUST DO IT!"           

Raiden whimpered and jumped to his feet, pulling on the black cap and getting out his gun. "Okay okay okay!" "There. Now go sneak up behind a guard strut A," the voice directed calmly. "But I don't wanna," came Raiden's whine. The voice growled. "Okay, I'm going," Raiden said quickly before taking off towards the door to strut A. 

**Elsewhere** 

"Nothing to report..." A guard mumbled, walking past his fellow comrade type person thing whatever that was on duty. They were outside strut… er… L I believe. ((A/n: It's really sad when the authoress can't remember what something in the game is called when she is making a parody of it, ne?)) Anyway, he stopped to lean out of one of the windows, staring down at the water. His friend noticed and smirked.

"Oi, Kit, what are you doing?" he called. The sight-seeing soldier turned back to the other guy. "Just looking Nero, and don't call me that. It's Akito, Kit is a girl's name." The one addressed as Nero laughed. "No it isn't, it's unisex." Akito looked back out the window. "Whatever…" Nero sneaked up behind him and suddenly touched his shoulders. "Boo!" "A-AH!" Akito screamed and fell out of the window, landing with a splash in the water below. "Oops…" Nero blinked. "I didn't do it," he muttered before going back to sentry duty.

**Back to our Genius Wig Boy**

Raiden rested his back against the wall and shot one of the two gards with his M9. "Now what?" he muttered. "Go sneak up behind the other one." Raiden did what he was told, and quickly muttered, "Now what?" "Stick your gun up his butt." "The hell?" Raiden was taken aback. "That won't help me!" "Yes it will." "No it" "Yes." He sighed and stuck the AK-74u up the guard's butt.

"WOAH!" The guy must have jumped 10 feet. He whirled around with gun drawn, then lowered it. Raiden still wore his uniform. "What was that for?" Then the guard noticed the uniform wasn't the normal kind. "Hey why are you here?" "What?" Raiden asked, puzzlement in his voice. The guard raised his gun again and Raiden dashed out. Soon, his radar blinked off and he was being chased. "Alert mode, good job!" the voice said amusedly. 

Raiden jumped over a rail and hung on the edge, pulling himself up after the guards all passed. "That was mean!" The voice laughed. "I know! Aren't I the best?" Raiden poked his forhead. "Get out of my head." "I'm not in your head." "Get out of my mind." "I'm not in your mind." "GAH!" Raiden slammed his head against the railing, and fell to the ground, unconscious.

**Later. Wow, these 'later' thingies are getting common**

"You okay? Wake up. Come on, get up. GET UP!" 

"Un… nuu…"

SLAM!

"AH!" Raiden's head jerked up, eyes shooting open. A guard stood beside him, staring at him with arms crossed. Raiden groaned and leaned against the wall, then looked around. On one wall there was no windows, just solid. But on the one across from him, there was a row of windows. "Where am I?" The guard laughed. "You must have hid your head really hard. It's time for sentry duty for you." Raiden mentally smacked himself. "Of course, the uniform," he thought.

"… and so they brought you here, and now that Kit is gone, you get his job." He blinked, realizing the other guy was talking to him. "Okay. Who are you, anyway?" "Nero," he said, reaching out his hand to Raiden. "You don't sound Russian," Raiden commented. "Neither do you," Nero countered. "What's your name, anyway?" "Ja-, I mean Rai-, I mean… Er… Bret." Nero raised an eyebrow… even though you can't see it… "Riight… well, just keep an eye out for stragglers," he said, getting his gun back out. 

Raiden followed suit and nodded. "Nice one 'Bret'. Maybe you and your new friend can go to the mall sometime." He silently cursed the Voice, and began pacing the hall.

RyuAshi: That was short.

C. Moogle: I know it was.

RyuAshi: I ate all my ramen, too. 

C. Moogle: ;_;

RyuAshi: Be sure to review! Reviews are like money.

C. Moogle: And money buys ramen noodles!

RyuAshi: *Sigh* Baka Moogle …


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